2012年2月27日 星期一

嫁,還是不嫁?

女友年約40,樣貌娟秀、溫文儒雅的她是個自由職業者,自己接些插畫的工作。正當有報紙專題報導「香港陰盛陽衰 未婚中女較男多 」之時,女友卻正煩惱著嫁還是不嫁。向她求婚的是其同居男友,40多歲的他高大威猛、善解人意,是個髮型師。女友和他相處得很好,日子久了,雖說是不育主義者,但他還是決定要和她結成正式夫妻。女友卻很為難,第一次失敗的婚姻并沒有讓她對婚姻產生恐懼,正在國外上大學的兒子也很贊成她找個伴,問題出在一個錢字上。

當年因為前夫搭上小三而鬧至離婚,因為前夫身家不菲但又不愿意一次過償付贍養費,所以協議了每月給女友五位數字的贍養費(兒子的另計)直至她再婚。離婚十年以來,女友習慣了每月收取固定的贍養費(其間因應通脹還調整過三次),過著想做(事)就做、想睡就睡、想玩就玩…衣食無憂的生活。現在的男友雖說也會把一半的收入交給她自由支配,但男友最旺場那個月的全部收入也沒那份贍養費多,所以女友一直在躲避結婚這個問題,想要搪塞過去。怎知男友以為她嫌棄自己不夠班,只有做她男友的資格,所以下了最後通碟:不結婚就分手!

當女友梨花帶淚,慘兮兮地告訴我這個〝惡耗〞的時候,我的第一反應是捧腹大笑,男女身份大兜亂!然後我說如果是我的話,我會……


大家怎麼看這個問題?作為男人怎麼想?作為女人又怎麼想呢?

66 則留言:

  1. 就算你說什麼男人的"無謂"尊嚴也罷,以男人角度若知道這是原因肯定反檯!

    (如果加多句鬼叫你人工都唔夠佢畀的更分分鐘斬人!)

    btw send左醫貓去你台灣戶口收不收到?

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    1. 你睇埋我點講先咁肯定啦!

      收到,已回。

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    1. 錢算是當今生活甚至生存的必須品吖!

      (嗱,你冇話多少數,畀我揸咗字蚤。嘿嘿!)

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  3. 駛乜諗, 梗係唔嫁。維持現狀,既有麵包,又有愛情。

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    1. 但個男嘅唔甘心啵!

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    2. 甘心要錢架。四十歲人仲未參透這一字咁淺嘅道理。不做夫妻,只做朋友。人生之大樂。

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  4. 坦白告诉男朋友咯. 结婚的话都系最好要预自己搵自己食. 靠男人比钱唔掂.

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    1. 佢都有揾錢既,都有萬來蚊個月!男人養家係一種負責任表現代來!

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  5. 我是爱情饮水饱的人。
    再说,换着我是那个男的,也会说同样的话。
    再再说,儿子都读大学了,自己为了心爱的人少了一点物质享受又何妨呢?

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    1. 你真係一個善良、簡單的人。

      男的不知道付贍養費的事。

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    2. 我是指如果我是那个男的也会说要么嫁要么分手。
      看来我也不是很善良...

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    3. 你只是把一紙婚書看得太重而已。

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  6. 去拉斯維加斯結,然後唔話俾個前夫知。

    不過我倒是不太明白她男友為何要結婚?

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    1. 男女都一樣,要名份囉!

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    2. 俗話說:若要人知除非鬼推磨。

      再說了簽了法律文件的,萬一穿煲要負法律責任打官司的。

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  7. 係我唔嫁,嫁咗冇著數,又不諗住再生育,無謂。

    我只係奇怪,男友同居多年,多少了解女方的財政、每月的收入來源,真的估不出這背後的原因嗎?

    坦白講出來,都不算好肉酸啫,或者包裝下,說自己仍有些小心願(讀書/進修/小生意),暫時仍需要前夫穩定而可觀的贍養費..又不想增加男友的負擔..

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    1. 這男的很棒,從不過問女的財政,只怕給少了錢,女的不够花。同居兩年多。

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  8. 世間最痛苦的事莫過於錢袋或者春袋俾其他人渣住

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    1. 乜春袋俾人渣住會痛苦的嗎?睇A片成日見啲男人係咁的狀態下好爽喎!

      啋!原來呃人嘅。

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  9. 錢搵唔晒,包買唔晒,懶唔可以懶一世。

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    1. 其實我最大的心愿就係可以懶一世。

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  10. 我係度諗緊,他是否認識她的前夫 ? 有計劃地慳番那些贍養費。
    同佢計下數, 供樓、供車、供個仔讀書、日常生活開支,同埋將來打本他開髮型屋, 那些贍養費會好有用。

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    1. 住果層居屋他已供斷尾,女嘅呢有層自置收租樓,男的係屋邨髮型屋合伙人。供個仔讀書的錢佢老豆另外畀。

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    2. 沒後顧之憂,可以嫁喇。

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  11. 係我就唔嫁,何苦?其實她在過著一種我理想中的生活,沒有婚姻的約束,又有錢使,又有愛情,夫復何求?

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    1. Love will end if she does not want to get married!!

      get married or leave ( she will be alone)!

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    2. 不會喔!世事并非非白即黑。

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    3. But I think formal marriage can bind two people, separation is less easy and they may be still together when they become older.

      At least it is more likely to have a partner in old age.

      Though I understand being together do not mean LOVE!

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  12. 如果男的知道原因后女的还是做不到决定,那通常完蛋收场,当然也可能峰回路转。

    女的如果做不到决定那生活稳定度绝对是她的首要考虑条件,我觉得她可能会拖到被“飞”的那一刻才能做决定。。。一把年纪了,人,毕竟会比较实际的。

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  13. Re:"坦白告诉男朋友咯. 结婚的话都系最好要预自己搵自己食. 靠男人比钱唔掂."

    咁諗的人仲會講出來的唔駛旨意嫁。

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    1. 咁又未必,千花栽千盆,仲有啲男人鐘意呢啲女仔旣,獨立唔使男人錢對好多男人來講都係一種美德。

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  14. 可能俾花姐渣住會好爽掛:-)
    我就覺得, 你個fd好幸福啊, 有個分開咁多年的前夫仲咁有情有義, 贍養費從來無斷過。有個情人一齊咁耐都扭計要結婚, 證明感情好好啦。仲有個仔, 傾結婚會同個仔商量, 又支持佢搵個伴, 肯定母子關係好好。
    就算聽日唔理乜原因, 筆贍養費斷左。佢有咁多樣幸福都足夠羨煞旁人啦。人呀, 畢竟要識感恩同知足。

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    1. 嗱,我當你係女人講下笑,事關我唔鐘意畀人調戲,下不為例喔!

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  15. 可能俾花姐渣住會好爽掛:-)
    我就覺得, 你個fd好幸福啊, 有個分開咁多年的前夫仲咁有情有義, 贍養費從來無斷過。有個情人一齊咁耐都扭計要結婚, 證明感情好好啦。仲有個仔, 傾結婚會同個仔商量, 又支持佢搵個伴, 肯定母子關係好好。
    就算聽日唔理乜原因, 筆贍養費斷左。佢有咁多樣幸福都足夠羨煞旁人啦。人呀, 畢竟要識感恩同知足。

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    1. 佢前夫係有錢佬個官判咗冇得唔畀遮。但我認同佢依加係好幸福嘅。

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  16. "其實我最大的心愿就係可以懶一世"

    呢句超級啱聽,亦都係我嘅心願。不過身邊好多人都唔like。

    如果我係個女人嘅話,當然係愛情麵包都想要啦。咁不如提議話可以有婚禮,但係唔簽字。外面係掛名丈夫,入面就未婚男女,都得啩?個男人要名份之嘛,咪比佢囉!三奶四奶都係咁啦,外面人全部都用X太去稱呼,無正式法律關系,但係身家名份都攞足。

    其實贍養費呢單嘢,如果兩個人真係咁夾咁好關系嘅話,點解唔講得呢,有錢齊齊駛嘛。有條件用第二個男人嘅錢去成就自己嘅愛情,簡直係萬中無一,應該會令好多女人羨慕到死!

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    1. 佢前夫會用諸如事實婚姻果啲來證明架!

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    2. 唔,跟據百度,係大陸"新的《婚姻法》已经取消了事实婚姻,也就是说,现在法律不承认事实婚姻,只承认已经登记有合法手续的婚姻。" 香港都好似係唔承認事實婚姻 (見"香港法例不承认事实婚姻 梁洛施可在加拿大追讨赡养费")。但係如果真係要講事實婚姻,咁長年同居都已經係事實婚姻嘅一種,咁講法同居都唔得。

      基本上只有兩條路行: 一係買斷前夫比嘅錢(例如同前夫相議好一筆過付款,最多要少啲錢,如可行嘅話),一係同男朋友相議好唔結婚但可分賬。最令人不解嘅係,點解個男人硬係要結婚?除名份外,我估計佢仲有其他原因。

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    3. He wants money????

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    4. 》因為前夫身家不菲但又不愿意一次過償付贍養費,所以協議了每月給女友五位數字的贍養費

      正文已講了。。

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  17. 如果個女人能只向前看,不往後望,就不會計較每月收取固定的贍養費。這樣就結婚吧!否則就分開,因為還沒有徹底忘記過去。

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    1. 在我看來向前看和緬懷過去並不衝突呀!

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  18. 我會……我都好矛盾下

    愛情和麵包如何兼顧,坦白說嗎,又怕失去他,不說嗎一樣失去他。
    我想,我會和你一樣,上來寫文章,然後收集大家的意見再決定。

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    1. 不是,她已經聴我建議處理好了,貼上來是因為我想了解男女對此事想法上的差異。

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  19. Hana,
    在你這裡潛水這麼久了第一次有留言的衝動。
    看完你的故事我的第一個反應是,當然不結婚啦!XD

    想必到了這裡大家都很想知道她最終的決定是。。。。。?

    不要再賣關子了 XD

    順便問一下,
    若要人不知除非己莫為 + 有錢能使鬼推磨=若要人不知除非鬼推磨是這樣來的麼?XD

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    1. 是我寫錯了,哈哈!但你這樣解釋還挺合理的,謝謝!

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  20. 呢位哥哥唔知點解思想咁守舊,一定要有一紙婚書?定係想證明佢幾有承擔,有幾愛佢既女友?但係佢既決定和舉動,將會斷了女友的財路,實屬不智。妳女友到了這個地步,也實在不能隱瞞,應以實情告之,如果溝通後也得不到解決,女的放棄不了錢,男的死蠢要面,就非常可惜了。不如當個仔唔想阿媽改嫁,只接受他們繼續同居算了。
    SR

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    1. good suggestion! 不過女的要做點事安撫男的.如果我是男,又不想要孩子, 真不想結婚!難道男的想要女的錢????!

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    2. this suggestion not bad! But I remember Certifcate of Marriage has other functions as said by Hana in previous blogs. At least married couple would NOT go away so easily, they need go through a process (e.g. think twice and try to fix it), otherwise it is a neglect of LOVE. Hana, can you remember what you said??

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  21. As a man, I see it differently.

    A man of about 40 can find another girls e.g, about 20-30+, but he still love your friend.

    If the man leave, can Hana's friend find another man. Don't take it for granted, the man would leave if not married.

    Need to think if the love is true, faithful, whether they really want to spend the rest of life to be together??

    If yes, I suggest her to get marry of she will lose the man. of course, there are other consideration.

    Among all other factors, I think MONEY is the least important!!!

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    1. Marriage and love not necessarily related.

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  22. Dear ladies,

    One more important point!

    If a man says to you: love, I do not want and have no plan to have a baby", please do NOT believe!!

    Well, it may be true at the time he says so but he may change his mind at anytime in future.

    He may, at age of 50 (when you are of similar age), wake up suddenly in middle of the night, and tell you" Oh baby, I want a baby. You see, my friends are so happy with their children"!!

    Obviously, the lady cannot give him a baby at age of 50 (extremely rare).

    What happen next??

    Well, he will finally have a baby........... with another woman!!

    Sigh!!

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    1. 》He may, at age of 50 (when you are of similar age), wake up suddenly in middle of the night, and tell you" Oh baby, I want a baby. You see, my friends are so happy with their children"!!


      Exactly!I've written on this topic.

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    2. Oh well, I can chip in on this. It does not matter if the wife had given birth (even 10+ kids) when she was young or not, the man *can* still go out and have another baby with another woman [As seen in many many many cases]. Hence, I don't think it matters at all.

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    3. But this is a possible reason for future dishormony. You may say it an "excuse". For some men, it is a real reason/concern!!

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  23. As a human, I also saw it differently.

    What is the purpose of living if "其實我最大的心愿就係可以懶一世". Why not have it terminated before one get sick and decaying painfully.

    So my choice: Marry or NOT marry depending which is the better way of fulfilling my life.

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    1. What is the purpose of living if "其實我最大的心愿就係可以懶一世"?

      To enjoy everything the world can offer you. Remember, there is always give and take. Apple created iPad, someone has to use it or it will render useless.

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  24. 樓上包括大姐唔明點解佢咁想結婚的應該都是因為身為女性吧?男性畢竟比較專一兼需要安全感(雖然你地會話一紙根本不甚安全,但總是感覺),所以比較傾向成家。

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  25. I cannot agree with you, OLD MAN!
    you said men are loyal and need sense of security, but I think many men prefer not to get married until forced/ threatened by their girlfriend. Women need sense of security in general!

    A young lady told me: men are loyal.....What? Because men of different age consistently love a single group of girls ( about 20+ years of age)! They are so loyal to this age group!

    This is men's loyalty!

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  26. dear Hana,
    Your are my Great Teacher of Life, Love and Marriag.
    You gave us views from different angles that people tend to ignore or dare not to face / admit!
    people should read your blogs before entering the the real world to work, before dating, before marriage / divorce etc.

    You might have helped many people avoid making great mistakes if they had read your blogs beforehand!

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    1. Ha ha ... thank you for your comment.

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